Too much gin, very little bucket
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
