I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
