well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
