If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
