Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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