i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
