Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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