oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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