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he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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