Cold hands, warm shart.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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