i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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