the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize