He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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