Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
