Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
They have beer where we have blood.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
