Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
