Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Randomize
