Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
