I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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