but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
