where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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