I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
