I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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