either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
we should paint friendship bongs
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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