I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
