Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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