in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
