Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
