need another drink. this is the easiest way
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
