I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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