I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
