We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
