There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Operation Purity has been aborted
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
