Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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