he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
