Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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