Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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