rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
