im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
