is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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