all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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