I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I wish you could order shots online.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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