Already got asked if we're dating
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
