Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
