He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
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