u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
