True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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