Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize