so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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