I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
