i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
