This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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