im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
