just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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