walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
