It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
