I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
