I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
