so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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