Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
