I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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