well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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