I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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