I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
