Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
