I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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