do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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