tell your sister to shave her snatch
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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