he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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