And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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