We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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