I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
she pinky promised me she was 18
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
