haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
