in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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