I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
