My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
