Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Randomize
