I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
