All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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