hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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