He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize