Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
