I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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