omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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