You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
