i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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