my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
