you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
