sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
