Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
