I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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