I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
