Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
