No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
