Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Houston, we have a blender
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Let's get the cat blown out
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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