you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
