The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
