She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
