My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
