explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize