Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I did not marry a roomba.
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