Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You took a bar mat shot.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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